Administrative Comptroller Gerald Luckenbill, who presented Herbert with a Citation Of Merit and a $50 Midstate gift certificate on August 3, cited Herbert's outstanding commitment to his work.

Said Gerald, "Once again, Herbert's services have proved extremely valuable to Midstate's daily operations. He also showed unusual commitment to his work, particularly in the fields of variance resolution and delinquent account collection."

Said Herbert on his record 60th Employee Of The Month commendation, "I collect these muhfukkin' thangs like my jock collects bitchez, but yo: I don't receeve accountz jus' foe tha fame. It my muhfukkin' callin.' Y'all gots to be born to it. Aw yeah muhfukkas."

Herbert added that Accounts Payable Supervisor Myron Schabe has not received the Employee Of The Month award since 2001.

Midstate Wellness Week September 27-October 1

Due to the popularity and success from the past couple years, Midstate is once again holding its Wellness Week from September 27 to October 1. We believe that happy employees are also healthy employees, and we encourage everyone to attend the daily events. (And "not being fit enough to attend" will not be accepted as an excuse!)

Some of the seminars include "Strolling For Success," "'Healthy' And 'Delicious' Are Not Mutually Exclusive," "Anyone Can Meditate," "Snacking For Success," "Relax! Do Do It!" and "Code Word: Prevention."

Unfortunately, we are discontinuing the Tai Chi demonstration from last year due to injuries sustained by the instructor after a member of the Midstate staff mistook him for a ninja sent by Accounts Payable staffers to infiltrate and destroy the Accounts Receivable department.

Welcome Ethan Beers!

As everyone no doubt knows, there's a new member of the Midstate family. Alyssa Beers from Customer Service gave birth to Ethan Jason Beers on August 3. He weighed 9 lbs., 14 oz., at birth and measured a whopping 23 inches! Wow!

Mommy and baby are doing fine, and Alyssa says older daughter Cheyenne loves helping Mommy change Tyler's diaper, even though at three years old she's barely out of Pull-Ups herself! Also, Accounts Receivable Supervisor Herbert Kornfeld says Alyssa should get her fat ass back to work.

Add Another "Skeel" To Herbert's Repertoire

Accounts Receivable Supervisor Herbert Kornfeld wants everyone to know that he is trained in CPR, so if anybody has a heart attack during work hours, don't fuck with no expensive ambulance—just see him.